A sudden change of plans! A worried phone call from my son David in North Vancouver concerned his wife Sharon. She had taken a turn for the worst in her fight against Cancer. It was only in December of 2015, a few months ago, that she was suddenly diagnosed with stage 4 cancer; it was now March 2016, how had those few short, treacherous months gone by so fast? What terrible news! David was very distraught on the phone from the latest, devastating clinical reports and I quickly suggested ,"Could I come to help?" be supportive? He wanted to hold off still not sure what to do.
A few more days passed and he called again this time he accepted my idea to come and be with him at this difficult time. Son Paul in Arizona, got right on the phone to secure my airline tickets, and within two days I was on my way to Vancouver. Mike remained in Florida to look after the dog and household. By the time I arrived, Sharon had died.
This was going to be a difficult time for me. I didn't know what to expect except it would be wearing and a lot of tears.
David and Sharon had always been very much unto themselves. With no children to distract them, their world contained them, and they mostly did everything together including vacations. They didn't mix with the relatives much except on major family holidays. Their time off was usually just the two of them going to wonderful locations: usually golf was the big draw and Sharon had molded herself into a golfing partner.
As I said at the beginning, by the time I arrived Sharon had died 2 days before. Now it was just David in the house! He was holding up pretty well, of course tears at times, but the business of funeral arrangements pressed in on us both. We had to pay attention to what needed to be accomplished; funeral plots, (as she wished to be buried and none of this had been decided ahead of time); a casket, a church, flowers, music, videos, obit' for the newspaper to be constructed, and many emails to friends. How to plan the service-who would read the prayers and give the the eulogy? (Sharon came from a family of Evangelical Trinity background, her father had been a pastor, also a cousin was a pastor etc). These details engulfed us both but of course each final decision was up to David.
I was just a tree to lean on! Each day I tried to help in little ways; doing some laundry, taking phone messages, keeping out of the way to let David work through his stages of grief in his own way. Several days I was able to arrange a quick lunch with my long time close Vancouver friends, to give me breathing room.
Golf was a big help for David. There is nothing better to fool the mind into the present than golf! Once on the course, weighty problems are pushed aside to focus on the ball and the next tee shot.
So he played golf, talked with his guy friends and amazingly continued to do his early morning work-outs at the gym and kept in touch with his clients via his laptop. All the funeral details were gradually solidified and he was prepared for the actual burial day as much as possible. The extended family arrived the day before the service so it was a chance to come together.
The funeral was a beautiful tribute to Sharon: many ,(about 200), of their friends, extended family on both sides, business friends, many of David's partners from the firm, all wanting to show respect for Sharon and David. Before the day was done, I was super tired from meeting and greeting while accepting everyone's sympathies.
David was running on stored-up inner strength knowing that this was his biggest mountain to climb. He made me very proud as he mingled and thanked everyone for being there.
I am back home now: was so glad to see Mike, Brena and our lovely house again. This trip makes one appreciate all the good vibrations that surround us here at our home base in Florida. My family and special friends are situated across the country but we are near when needed.
